I feel as though I am running out of time. Like suddenly I turned
around and in the blink of an eye, everything has changed. The whole idea of
one day being a grownup has finally happened. It’s here. I’m a grown up. And it
feels really really weird.
Some of my friends are getting pregnant. Having babies. Buying
houses. Buying second houses. Moving forward
in their rewarding careers. Feeling rewarded in their careers. Getting a dog. Or
three. Going to Hawaii for the third time in 5 years. Living in London. Getting
their masters degrees in Montreal. Running marathons in Dubai. And me?
I work in a job I accidentally stumbled into, in an industry
don’t identify with, in a career I feel I liked by accident. I’m married, an institution
I never dreamed to be a part of, and though I adore my husband, the adjustment period
is well underway and I feel like I’m constantly failing, and ungrateful bitch,
an emotional mess. Madly in love and a jumble that he deserves better then. I’m
living in a basement suite that we rent. I have a cat and some fish. Well actually HE
has a cat and some fish because at the ripe old age of 32 I still feel completely
incapable of taking responsibility for anything resembling another life. I’m
getting parking tickets and reminders that I’m two weeks late registering my
car. I’m drinking wine. And gin. And more wine. My friends are having babies
and I’m drinking wine.
How does one create a new beginning?
